Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
