she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
