She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
