I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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