My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
did you just send me my own nude
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
