so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
