The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
