covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
