is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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