I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
