her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
