You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
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