i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
His nipple licking is glorious
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