im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
