I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
