I'll bet she douches with gravy.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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