we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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