i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
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Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
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Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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