I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
