need another drink. this is the easiest way
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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