YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
