apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize