the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
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I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I need a burrito and a hug.
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I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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