did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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