he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
