so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
