She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
