I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
