You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
