So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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