I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize