God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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