I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
