At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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