I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize