South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
