He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
