I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
