I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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