I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
