I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
