A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
