I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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