This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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