wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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