Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
whose parrot is this?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
