Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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