Who did Billy Mays play for?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Randomize
