We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize