Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
