OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
