either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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