Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
