They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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