i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
