why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize