my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
