Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
