i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
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We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
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I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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