Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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