Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
