I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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