I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
