I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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