jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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