I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
