We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
