i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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