Apparently you make a good broom.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
