There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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