Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
