Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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