there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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